just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
