I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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