She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
