Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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