my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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