in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
