i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
