my mouth tastes like poor choices
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
