About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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