Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
