you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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