arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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