and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
