I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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