My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she looked like the before picture.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
