8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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