I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
