I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
