My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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