Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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