dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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