she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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