I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
