You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
