i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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