Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize