Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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