remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
