so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
