I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
