well you can't waste a boner
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
