I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My life is pants optional.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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