Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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