even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
