I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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