Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
