I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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