I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
