I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
