can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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