I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
