nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It's not a walk of shame if you run
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
