If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
