Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
