I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
