i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You need Xanax blowdarts
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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