you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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