You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
