It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
