I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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