Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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