so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
