I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize