Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
