You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
