Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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