Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
