Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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