There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
