we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
