You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
