That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize